I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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