if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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