Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
