Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
