It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
