You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
