i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
