she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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