My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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