I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
