Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
