it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
