don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
