I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
