umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So vagazzling was a success
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
