I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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