i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
