Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
