I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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