xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
