the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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