Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
