Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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