I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
