oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
