i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize