Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
