Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
