I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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