Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
