Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
