There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm at about main and main street
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
