i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
