I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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