I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize