I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
