So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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