dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
