they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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