We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
