I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
