you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
