Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
