Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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