I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
