Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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