woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
