I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your topless pictures make me question reality
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
