i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
