Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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