porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
