you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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