Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
