i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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