i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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