come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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