Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
