i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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