please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
