Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
