fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
