my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
