She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
