just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
