just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
