Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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