my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I enjoy the company of your penis
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
