I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
