whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We are two peas in an std pod
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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