Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize