i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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