I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
